i think i'm struggling with this hater thing. i think people hate me, no kidding. and it's not just a few, i think it's a number of them. i'm starting to think one person's the root cause but i won't point fingers as yet. it sucks to feel so rejected and people kinda treat me like i don't even exist. some. not all. but i get this feeling that i have about 5 to 6 people who think i'm a really screwed girl who's probably really bitchy and gossipy because of the simple fact that i'm way too loud for them. oh i'm sorry if i've hurt your ears. but seriously. it's a gut feeling i get. i've got a full year more to cope with this and it's not gonna be easy but i'll try my best. definitely not going to change for them. i'm already trying to accommodate. so if they wanna be fake, i'll be real fake back to them. oh they haven't seen my mean, fake self. it's hard because i can feel it coming out and i keep suppressing it because i want to be this ideal person who embodies Christ. so i'm trying to be real nice and all but it's a bit hard. i know there aren't hurtful comments anywhere public at this stage. (thank God) but emotional vibes are bad enough. i'd rather they just say it in my face. like 'evann can you stop being so loud' or
evann why are you so weird' (live with it) or maybe even 'evann you're such a flirt' WHAT. seriously. well, at least that's what i think they think about me. oh wells. nothing's concrete but imo, that's what's going on. not a very nice feeling. man. i can't wait to see abee and grace koh to rant to them about this. D:

on another note, i crashed a M18 movie today, and the person didn't even bat an eyelid or do an ID check on me. happy happy (: